noxema electrical storms ...

not that i even understand the term metrosexual or, for that matter, a single minute of any random episode of 'sex and the city', but let's just say if a man were to cleanse his facial, neck and upper shoulder skin with noxema, if i knew what metrosexual (or is it metroidsexual? what a game that metroid!), then i would probably say i might have latent metrosexual tendencies.

josh could be a raging metro ... it is certain he uses skin cream, making him, of course, most certainly a metrosexual, a word he does not quite understand. hmmm ... sounds like a job for deep, deep memory-retrieving counseling (so too does writing of one's self in third person).

anyway, this is discussion of noxema skin cream and the jerks who produce it ... or so it was supposed to be.

o.k., do not misunderstand me ... noxema makes a great facial wash product ... cuts out the grime like a hypoallergenic, scrubbin' bubbles product for the skin ... without the bubbles ... and certainly skin-peeling bleaches and ammonias which make actual scrubbing bubbles effective on bathroom soap scum, but dangerous for use in deep-cleansing of pores ... i am getting sidetracked again ... suffice to say, the product works, gets my skin kissable soft and keeps me looking not a day over 37 ... no gripes with the product ... stuff works, no calls to consumer hotline.

however, i do have a problem with those, again, jerks who produce noxema ... see the thing needs a warning label for safety ... while the product will not remove layers of skin, only the dirt on top of it, it can deliver one heck of a electrical shock ... no kidding.

here's the deal ... i have no idea how this happens, but for some reason when you use a newly-purchased jar of noxema skin cream, jar not pump (four ounces less, $1.25 more in price for the conveinence of what, not getting it on your hands?), after opening and as reaching in to remove an amount for aforementioned deep-cleansing of pores, a bolt of lightning will arc from the factory-smooth skin cream surface to the nearest fingertip, delivering a taseresque jolt of static electricity, illiciting naked, wet in the shower responses as 'ouw-wah,' 'dang it!,' and 'shit!'

how is this occuring? at what point in the process of manufacture is 50,000 volts of electricity being produced and stored in this plastic jar of age-defining, deliciously-effective deep-cleansing of pores product?

what is the mystery of this hygienic hand-buzzer! sometimes the static will last until the second or third use, each shock as strong as the first ... strange ... i will get to the bottom of this!

i am writing the jerks tomorrow ... someone could be killed ... not by the electricity, per se, but say the shock of the well, shock, causes to lose footing, slip in the shower, fall, hit their head on the toilet and become injured ... this is another household accident which could be avoided!

I DEMAND REDUCED ELECTRICITY LEVELS IN MY SKIN CREAM!

One.